I'd rather wear my pants.

-- my previous post was rather... stupid. And so is this.

I admit it. I get a little frustrated at how unsophisticated and how scruffy I could look most of the time. Well, I'm not untidy, I'm just not fashionable enough. I don't know patterns and colors. I don't know what looks best with what. My mom and aunt buys most of my clothes and they would look very good -- on other people. I have so much clothes for a person who wears basically the same shirts over and over again. I hate wearing colors that would give me so much attention in public. And I just like wearing my shirts and pants. Greys and whites. Comfortable.

I usually end up stocking piles of clothes in my closet and then giving them away to my younger cousins later. And I would be shocked at how they would look like models in my clothing. But when I look at other people who can wear clothes by the trend and not look stupid or overdressed, I can't help but wonder why I can't do that. I try sometimes but I would feel funny and even look at myself funny. I think I look like the female version of Ace Ventura on meth.

I have poor posture, I cut my hair and I regret it, I can't walk on heels and I hate having to walk around in a dress or skirt even when I'm going to church. I remember ripping my perfectly new and gorgeous beige pencil skirt when I tried to wear it. I can go out of my house wearing the same outfits over and over again. I could pass looking like a tomboy but it's okay. I could easily trade my dresses for a replica of my favorite shirt. 

But I guess that's just me. If department stores were divided into "cliques", I would happily skip to the geek section.

Is it too much that I'm asking for? ~~

Maybe I do sound kind of needy right now.

Yesterday was our 1 year and 7th month together. I am not the type of girl who ask for too much, I just don't want you to feel like I'm strangling you. We don't celebrate "monthsary", I don't require gifts and I didn't even ask for your time. I'm afraid I have to admit that I almost forgot about yesterday, too. Maybe because you don't seem to care about that specific date.

But, when I chose to acknowledge yesterday because it was important for me you can't laugh at my face and make a joke about it and show that you don't care. A simple greeting would've helped. Or maybe you can just say "Yes, I remember". But you didn't do anything, you made me freaking upset and you didn't do anything. You even chose to just stay and watch your school program and ignore me. You showed me that I should have nothing to look forward to in this relationship. 

Every month I wait for you to show me that you remember, every month I get disappointed. I thought that at some point in time, you will wake up and realize that you want to make me feel what other girls felt when guys try to make them feel important and special. I don't want a lot anyway, I just want to see that you are paying attention. I just want to know that you never forgot. But, maybe I don't deserve that. Maybe, I'm not worth that kind of effort. Maybe that's too much trouble for you. 

So yet again, I have to compromise. They say "compromise is the key to a mature relationship.". I'm trying, but it will only work if both parties can compromise. I can't carry both of our weights forever.

So, do I sound needy yet?